If you really knew who you were at the core of your being, you would not be rehashing the hurt, pain, and trauma from your past. You wouldn't be concerned about what “they” think. It wouldn’t matter what anyone else thought because you would know, from the top of your head to the soles of your feet, that you were designed in the image of God.
If the Creator of the Universe deemed you a “Masterpiece,” why would you allow someone else to make you think otherwise? What “they” said about you is irrelevant. Change your focus because what you focus on grows. So, what are you magnifying in your life? Are you focused on the mess from your past or the possibilities of your future? You find what you are looking for when you are focusing on it. I have often shared that your life is a result of the choices you make. So what choices are you magnifying?
It’s not going to be an easy journey, but you have to stop focusing on anything that is weighing you down like worry, stress, pain, and despair. When you run a race, you cannot win if you are bogged down with weights. You have to look at your life to see what is holding you back. Here are 3 things that I have found to be extremely helpful.
Choose friends that are committed to your race.
Divorcees face a very specific set of challenges when it comes to friends they had in common with their spouse. People don't often want to choose sides. So, they may take a step back which often looks like they are abandoning you. This sense of abandonment, on top of what you already feel from your ex, can cause you to feel like you have no friends at all and you must run this race alone. I need you to know that it's OK. Everyone can't go where you are headed. This may require you to remove some people from your life that are no longer supporting your best interest. Those that are committed to your race will join you on the journey.
2. Drop certain activities that you used to do when there were two incomes in your home.
Now is the perfect moment for you to decide what is best for you at this time. There were things I did when I was married that I stopped doing when I got divorced because those activities needed 2 people or 2 incomes to maintain. By choosing to focus on just the things that supported my current existence and could springboard me into the next level, my life got easier.
3. Conflict is not all bad
I know that sounds crazy, but too many times people want to avoid conflict because they were never really taught how to deal with it. No one likes conflict, but it's a part of life. What we have to do is learn how to deal with it. I share how to manage conflict in such a way that it simplifies the thought process for those that I work with that helps them get to a better position.
There are 3 focus areas that I share which makes it easy to assess the person, assess the problem, and develop a simple solution. I help people gain clarity about their conflict sequence, which sheds light on how others are dealing with the situation as well. This information helps you build healthy personal and professional relationships. You are then able to fully focus on the changes you need to make that will help you reach your next trajectory.
For those of you interested in continuing the conversation, reach out to me. I look forward to speaking with you.