Updated: May 9
Have you ever had a moment when you heard a familiar saying, but at that moment, you gained a different understanding that gave you a new level of clarity? When you can see your experiences through the eyes of someone else, it gives you a different revelation.
We all look at the world through a personal set of lenses that were developed by our experiences and our personal training ground in life. I was having a conversation with a good friend. She said, “you know there are different types of cheating. There’s physical, financial, and mental.” Her words gave me such clarity at that moment. I don't know why it didn't register like this before. I literally walked through all 3 of these elements.
When someone you trust cheats on you, there's a similarity in the devastation that is nearly identical both personally and professionally. You feel betrayed when the trust is broken. You feel confused and try to come to some rational explanation about why someone would undermine the foundation that you both agreed to operate in. When you take a deeper look at these 3 elements of cheating, a clearer perspective can put you in a better position to protect yourself and those around you. Let's take a look at financial cheating. It often contains some commonality both personally and professionally.
Whenever you comingle funds and someone violates the mutual agreement of how those funds will be handled, the trauma can leave you feeling angry, vengeful, and hopeless. If this financial betrayal takes place personally it will often lead you through a roller coaster of emotions. To put yourself in a better position of restoration, use your time wisely to gather the facts and develop a prioritized plan. You may need the assistance of a third party to scrutinize and discuss all accounts. This is sound advice both personally and professionally. If you decide to stay in this relationship, create a financial strategy with shared goals that you'll both work towards.
Physical cheating is mostly personal. Sharing your body is one of the deepest exchanges two individuals can have. So, if this relationship is disrespected and disregarded, that distress and angst you feel is because your soul is being ripped from another. Emotions become more manageable when you address the issue. When you decide to talk about it, you can uncover the issues that led to the affair. If you choose to be diligent with this effort, there is a possibility the relationship will survive.
This leads us right into emotional cheating. Emotional cheating is often a precursor to physical cheating. I was more devastated by the emotional cheating from my ex-husband. This level of cheating exposes the heart and soul to others outside your relationship. There are pieces of who you are that is often only revealed to the one you are in a committed relationship with. Having those elements shared with someone else often leaves the one that was betrayed wondering what else are you willing to give away. When you couple this with the deceit that tags along to cover up the emotional affair, the trauma left behind can leave you reeling.
From a professional perspective, you may have difficulty giving your best effort because of the uncertainty the betrayal revealed. People always say you should forgive and forget. This statement needs clarification. You should always forgive because forgiveness is for you. It frees you to move to your next level of greatness. Forgiving someone will help you forget some of the hurt over time but never the lessons from that hurt.
I help my clients through this process using my exclusive methodology the 3 C’s. There comes a time when you will have to make a decision about the person in your life. You will have to decide if you need clarification, connection, or closure about a person to determine how to move forward in the relationship. I walk my clients through this methodology in such a way that clarity is gained both personally and professionally.
So, look for those moments that give you a different understanding so you can reach a new level of clarity. If you would like some help along the journey, reach out to me. I would love to be of assistance to you.