I wanted to be in the middle. It seemed safe in the middle. I believed I could climb to the next level if I just stayed in the middle. I also believed there was no judgment in the middle, but Revelation 3:15-17 lets us know that God desires passion. God did not design us to live in the middle. God made us unique. There is no other being on this planet just like you. There is a reason for all the unique aspects of who you are.
When I discovered the middle was not safe, I began to move. When you hide in the middle, you live for those around you. I had no idea I was such a people pleaser. I was trying to be the mother others wanted me to be. I was trying to be the wife my ex-husband perceived. I was trying to be the exemplary employee, the good Christian, the great cousin. I spent so much time trying to be everyone for everyone that I was not honest to me about me. The middle is default and default is death. I was in default and dying.
Leaving the middle is scary. When you decide to go, there will be no safety net. Those you believed would be your safety net will fail you. I was let down by almost everyone I knew. Some let me down, so I could grow. Some let me down because they just couldn’t identify with the changes I made to make me better. And others were deliberately cruel. Psalm 18:30 says “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” This was comforting. I had already experienced the failure of “man.”
I decided to no longer allow myself to be abused emotionally and spiritually. I had to discover who I was. On the way to discovering myself, by the way this journey never ends, I found so many twists and turns. The depths that our soul could travel was unfathomable to me at the time. We take the time to study things for school, things for others, but we rarely take the time to study ourselves.
As I moved through my journey, I had to find the words to help me express myself. Music and books work well for me. They help me with my choices, because as I tell my boys, “Your life is a result of the choices you make!” This was the moment I truly learned that and started to live it out. I love India Arie. Her music sings to my soul. It seemed as if she had a song for most of the moments that my soul journeyed too. Some of her songs walked me back to my voice. I know now my voice is in God. You have to find that outlet that will help you walk to your voice.
Your voice gives you power. Your power will help you traverse the plains of your existence to get you to your next level. If you need help finding your voice and coming out of hiding 😊 I am here to help you. Reach out to me. I would love to be of assistance to you.