We don’t often want to ask for what we need. For some, it is perceived as a weakness. For others, it is shame for not being able to get things done. I learned the hard way that if you don’t ask for what you need, you will put yourself in a position of unnecessary struggle. To change my mind and heart, I had to come to a clear decision about the following things.
Feeling like a burden.
When you are in the middle of a chaotic situation you often believe that those around you already have their own challenges to deal with, so the last thing you want to do is burden them with your issues.
I learned that there are a lot more people willing to help you if you just ask. I was surprised by the number of people that joined me on the journey. I received some great advice and amazing support. It started with just asking.
2. Fear of judgment.
As a black woman in America, the last thing I wanted after my divorce was to appear weak or incapable in the eyes of others. I had already been judged for so many things. This was compounded by the typical negative assumption that black mothers are usually single mothers on welfare. Being unemployed after my divorce exacerbated this stereotype.
I chose to maximize my gifts and ask for help to strengthen them. My Real Estate Investment Firm was started after my divorce. When investors saw my desire and drive to build a productive business, they joined me on the journey and gave me a few insider tips that strengthened my skillset and helped me change the trajectory of my life.
3. Fear of rejection.
There might be a fear of being rejected when asking for help, leading people to avoid seeking assistance altogether. Asking for help makes you vulnerable. No one wants to be turned down for any request they make.
After my divorce, I was overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and unknown perceptions of my ability to take care of myself and my household. I chose to believe that if people said no, then I have more clarity of what I could possibly do next. It helped me to put better strategies in place and ask others that could be a possible support to me.
Asking for help is not easy, but I encourage you to be open to communicating what you need. Recognize that seeking assistance is a natural part of life. We all have some ability to create a supportive environment where people feel more comfortable reaching out for help when they need it.
You can gain by asking, but if you don’t ask you may miss out on getting what you need. By the way, if someone does say no, what have you lost?