Pain and trauma often sit on top of an underlying path that we don't want to talk about or walk across. No one really wants to admit where the pain took place or how it even arrived. What we do want is a quick fix, and we want it now. It doesn't matter how long you've been dealing with it; you want it fixed right now.
Some things just can’t be fixed quickly. The wound may be too deep, or the scar may be massive. Like physical scars, emotional and spiritual scars need bandages on them as well to allow healing to take place. Be careful what bandage you choose to use for emotional or spiritual wounds.
Drugs and alcohol have often been the go-to bandage for some people. These often leave more chaos than the original wound. Some choose sex, deciding that because of the pain from the betrayal in your relationship that you will not put yourself in an emotional position to be hurt like that again. So, you close your heart because you still want to have the physical moment and switch out bodies, choosing to date John instead of Peter or Patricia instead of Rachel. I don't know who that is for you, but if you don't fix the pain or trauma that caused the wound, you will find it again.
What a lot of us do is bury ourselves in work. Pouring all of our energy into the empire we want to build. That’s what I chose. I worked 12-16 hour days so I could bury the pain and trauma. Convincing myself that if I am busy enough, I will not have to deal with it. After a while, you get used to it or become numb to it. Either way, you decide that it no longer bothers you only to find that unresolved emotions buried alive will resurrect themselves at the most inopportune time.
So, how do we get to a place in our world where we stop using our pain and trauma as a magnet that draws on the brokenness of other people bringing them into our lives?
Take the time you need to go through the healing. This may mean finding a therapist so you can talk through the issue. Maybe it’s finding a coach so you can get strategies and actionable steps that will help you through the process.
Do an autopsy of the thing that you feel is causing chaos in your life. When you take the time to go through a strategic analysis of what took place, where it happened, and when it happened, you gain insight. Once you have knowledge about your past that will support you in making different choices in the future that will keep you whole and allow the past pain and trauma to heal.
Get clear about why you respond the way you do when you are triggered. Some responses are learned behavior. You may have been raised in a high-volume household, so you automatically yell, scream, or throw things. Your pain or trauma may have caused you to believe your voice does not matter, so you stuff your emotions inside and cause yourself personal harm. Whatever it is, get clear about your response.
Because I took the time I needed to walk through these points and a few others, I can share my story now without the chaos from pain and trauma. I have developed strategies that have changed the perspective of my clients which helped them to get out of that moment they were sitting in that was so chaotic.
Here’s one last thing I want you to know, just like physical scars show that there has been a previous injury somewhere in your past; you can have emotional scars as well. But, you can get to a place where even though you have some effects of the scar that can sometimes be seen, you're no longer stuck with the undergirding cut of that emotion traumatizing you, sabotaging you, and ruining your path to get to your next trajectory.