It’s natural to take a look at someone else’s life and compare ours to theirs. That’s a dangerous habit. You have no real idea what they are going through or what skillset they possess to get through their trauma. No one ever wants to experience the pain and trauma, but there are lessons in the midst of the storm that’s raging around you that you must glean to get whole. Too many times the desire is to circumvent that part of the process. When you circumvent the process, those emotions are just buried alive and they will resurrect themselves at the most inopportune time.
I know it is difficult to think about what lessons you should learn when you're in the middle of the storm. When the dust finally settles, I want to encourage you to do an autopsy, like I did, on your divorce. I learned that lesson the hard way when I broke down in the middle of Safeway while shopping for groceries. I walked down the aisle to pick up something for myself and my boys and then I saw one of the items for his favorite meals. Then it hit me, I was no longer going to be preparing a meal for him. It was a quick trigger that once again reminded me that my marriage was over. Because I never took the time to heal, those buried emotions resurrected themselves in the middle of Safeway leaving a bunch of people staring at me. They had no idea how to help me. There were a few individuals that tried to help, but most of the time, when this happens, you will be broken down in the middle of the aisle by yourself.
The struggle is real and it's OK to take the time you need to grieve and let those emotions wash over you. Because I took the time I needed to learn the lessons, I developed strategies to get whole. One of the things you can do is make a decision to start discovering what went wrong. Get a sheet of paper and put a line down the center of it to create 2 columns. Do a year-by-year analysis writing what you went through down the paper. On 1 side of the column, write down what you remember. On the column next to it, write how you felt about what took place.
Be patient with yourself through the process. It is going to take you some time to complete this depending on how much stuff you really want to flesh out each year. When you take the time to glean the lessons, you can share insight about strategies and actionable steps you learn with some amazing people. I recently shared what I experienced as a stepping stone to support over 100 people at the Blacks In Government National Training Institute. I do not want anyone else to walk over the land mines that I have already crossed. If you can get some insight from what someone else has already walked through, you will have a clear path to get your breakthrough.
If you want someone to join you along the way, feel free to reach out to me. Go to the contact tab and schedule some time for us to talk.