As women, we must find the power in the word “NO.” It’s unfortunate that it takes us so long to learn to create boundaries. It’s 2 little letters, but why is it so hard to use. I shared in my book about how I allowed my life to be hijacked by a man I knew was not supporting my best qualities. This only happened because I never set the proper boundaries to support my best interest.
From childhood many of us are taught to put the needs of others before our own. When we get married and have children, the day to day activities of those roles reinforce the notion that what we need does not matter. So, we press harder to make sure they are ok, while we silently waste away losing some key components that make us the fabulous women we were designed to be.
I observed in the aftermath of my divorce, that I lost more than I ever imagined. Because I never said "no" boundaries were never set to protect me emotionally, physically or otherwise. As a result, I allowed one compromise here and there to change me. I changed the style of clothes I wore. I changed my hairstyle to fit his taste. I even stopped eating my favorite fruit because he was allergic to it. Yes, I STOPPED EATING MY FAVORITE FRUIT to accommodate his needs.
When you don’t consider a relationship in terms of cost, you change basics about who you are to make him feel more secure. I never paid attention to the fact that not having clear boundaries would cost me more than I wanted to give for longer than I imaged I would give it. I wrote my book to help women challenge the situations in their lives that make them feel less than we were designed to be. My book is designed to help women navigate the path to setting the boundaries essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.
In chapter 6, I walk you through the 3 C’s. There comes a time when you will have to make a decision about the person in your life. You will have to decide if you need clarification, connection, or closure about a person to determine how to move forward in the relationship. The only way you will be able to make a decision that will not cost you your dreams and goals is to set boundaries.
I finally established boundaries to protect me in all areas of my life. Yes, it’s time consuming scrutinizing yourself, but you’re worth it. As women, we are the most exquisite beings on the planet. Yes, I am a little biased, but think about it. Who loves harder than you? Who encourages more than you? Who gives more than you?
I allowed my ex back into my life, knowing he was the same person I met 15 years before, because I did not take the time to set boundaries for every element of my life. To make matters worse, there was no chemistry between us, only familiarity. Did I really want to spend the rest of my life like this, because I was familiar with him? I knew there had to be something better for me than this. To discover what was better, I had to take the time. I had to make different choices. I had to dig deep and be clear about absolutely everything I wanted in my life.
Let’s me pause a moment and say be patient with yourself. This will not happen overnight. Let me help you. I have already walked this rough road and because I am my sister’s keeper, I wrote down the path so your journey will be better than mine. Join me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. We are in this together, because that’s what fabulous women do!!