“I paused, because my first thought was to leave. It dawned on me that he was moving us from a pseudo-relationship to an emergent one. I could not believe it. He planned this moment. I was beginning to feel a little peeved, because we could have discussed this transition instead of just throwing me in the fire. It took me a few minutes to decide I would stay. I was not all that interested in moving to the chaos stage, but I knew this would give me an opportunity to see him on a deeper level.”
Excerpt from Red Alert: Is He the One?
Pocket Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life
Tanya E. Hood
I share 4 basic stages of a relationship in my premier book.
Pseudo – Surface. Pleasantries are exchanged, but no one reveals who they truly are. This is the abode of the representative. The representative is the image you show the world. It typically does not reflect the real you.
Chaos – Emergent. You get to know each other better, but not too deep. You begin to notice some differences in what you initially believed about this person, but you typically dismiss it because the attraction is growing and the need to impress suppresses you from seeing the mess.
Emptying – Becoming. Hormones have calmed down enough for you to start letting go of some pretenses and more flaws and weakness are noticed. Arguments typically happen frequently in this stage. You begin to wonder where this relationship is headed. If you can communicate your concerns, you will make it to the final stage.
Genuine – Committed. At this stage, you should know the flaws of the relationship and made a decision to still press on in love anyway.
If you don’t know what stage of the relationship you are in, you could put yourself in a position where dependencies are placed on you. You can eliminate these dependencies by putting boundaries in place to keep you whole. Your natural skills, talents, and abilities will be appreciated by the right person. Take the time today to evaluate where you are in your relationship.